I had plans for this blog. Honestly. I had about the first six posts sketched out in my mind. I knew what I wanted to say, and I knew where I was planning on taking it. And, then… (wait for it)… *WHAM*!
Something unexpected happened. And, because it did, something else that was unexpected happened. And, because of that, I had to make some unexpected and (at the time) unwanted changes. And because I had to make those changes, I got angrily frustrated. And because I got angrily frustrated and I didn’t want to stay that way, I went back to an online course that I started a while back, and had just restarted, because life had gotten in the way of finishing it.
I was only on Lesson 2, so I hadn’t gotten far. It’s an interactive course, of sorts. First, there’s a reading that introduces the subject of the lesson. Then there’s a short video to watch, going more deeply into the lesson, in this case presented by the author of the book the course was based on. Then there’s an activity, which varies from lesson to lesson. Finally, there’s journaling, where one can use a provided prompt or just write freestyle. The course is offered through Daily OM.
I read the introductory material, and it was definitely something I was interested in. It was called the Mechanism of Manifestation. (The author will get due credit later.) It was interesting, because it had five steps to it—and the first of those steps is The Law of Attraction, but there are four more steps that follow it.
I don’t know about you, but whenever I’ve heard The Law of Attraction discussed, it was a stand-alone process. I mean, that was it. Ask—Believe—Receive, right? Only it just didn’t seem to work all that well for me. I had tried it on some smaller things, plus one bigger thing. I got specific, and into details. I visualized. I imagined and felt the joy of receiving. I did it for each one, separated by about a week.
Nothing. Weeks went by, then months. Still nothing. And, at least it seemed to me, the letdown and touch of depression I was left with made it feel like those things were even further away and less obtainable.
In this course’s first lesson, I’d pretty much been asked to do the same thing. I was to make a list or a pictorial depiction of the things that I believe would definine me as the greatest “me” I could imagine myself being. This lesson’s activity, after first reading about and then having the author explain via video the five steps to the Mechanism of Manifestation, was to go back to that list and see where it appeared that, not only had what we asked for not manifested, but where the opposite had appeared.
That was easy. The opposite was all over the place. I started at the top of my list and wrote how I felt that the opposite had been present in my life, in some instances for quite some time. There were about a half dozen areas of my life that I had listed.
When I got to the end of the list, the last item was about financial abundance. I’m not a greedy person, and while I place value on having money, I don’t confuse it with happiness. I had written for financial abundance enough so that I didn’t have to worry about bills, or food and supplies for myself and my cat, and enough to be able to contribute to charity.
When I started to write about how the opposite had shown up in my life, it tapped directly into the angry frustration I had been feeling. Where there had been emotions involved in the other answers I had written, I ended up just letting loose with this one.
Not only did I answer the question, but I found myself doing inspired journaling like I haven’t been able to do for a long time, in part because of carpal tunnel syndrome in the wrist of my writing hand. Somehow, my body knew I needed to do this writing, for to my own amazement, my thumb and forefinger didn’t go numb, or even hurt.
I poured my heart out onto those pages, expressing an understanding of the connection between my having been abused as a child and my ability to feel deep compassion for others. I expressed gratitude for having experienced such insufficiencies, and in so many areas of my life, that I had become immersed in a sense of hopeless depression. I understood how that would not only allow me a context in which to explore and appreciate the abundance I had asked for in the different areas of my life, but also expand and deepen my ability for compassion, for myself and all others of the world. I added that I now felt ready to let it go to make room for the abundance I will receive.
It was as if a door or a window had opened, letting fresh air into my stagnant life. I continued to write about the wonderment I felt at the perfection of it all. I may have to choose which medications I can afford and see what that leaves me for food, but I have leftover food I generally don’t have. And, I had just last month over purchased some household and pet supplies that would help see me through.
And the biggest wonderment? The fact that the course is “Happier Than God,” based on the book written by Neale Donald Walsch, the very same author I had planned on writing about in this blog, and the impact his books had on my life, nearly 20 years ago.
I had come full circle, completely outside of the plans I had made, right back to so many of the same emotions that I felt so many years ago, inspired by the writings of this same author.
Isn’t it amazing?